How to Heal, Release, and Move Forward after a Break Up
It is in my opinion that loving someone is one of the most strongest and hardest things that we can do on the face of this earth. Interestingly enough it is why I believe we were all placed on the planet- to open to love, to suffer because of it (we’ll find our deepest life lessons here), to transcend, to move forward, to choose to love again.
Love is the main motivation behind the majority of what we do, whether we want to admit it to ourselves or others. From this point grows its branches and reaching from that root produces acceptance of ourselves and of others, intimacy as well as vulnerability... here is where we can find the source of either medicine or something that feels like poison.
Am I saying that love itself is poisonous? No, absolutely not. Never. That is literally never the case. Yes, it feels like it is because when disappointment, misunderstanding, and mismatching happen we are forced to face what feels like rejection.
It is so often that after a break up of a relationship we experience disappointment and anger. Waves of feelings range from extreme sadness to ragingly angry emotions and we can find ourselves cursing the fact that we ever even loved. Heartbrokenness can affect us so deeply in all areas of our lives it is almost embarrassing- We feel like we lose the light within our day, favorite foods are suddenly tasteless, nothing seems funny or amusing anymore, and it feels possible that we may never laugh, smile, or love again.
This sounds dramatic to some but for a lot of people “losing love” feels a lot like this and is by no means an exaggeration.
So what do we do to transcend this level of pain so you can move forward and quickly open your heart(*gasp*) to love again?
For starters, you need to understand that you are just in yourself so completely loved.
You are SO loved.
In fact, you ARE love.
Love simply radiates from your Being. Love is you from the moment that you were born onto this earth no matter what your outside circumstances are or ever will be. This is something that cannot be erased or washed or taken away no matter what could ever possibly happen throughout your lifetime. Take a deep breath in the knowledge of this blessing: Because you are love you cannot ever be without it because you ARE it.
Second, recognize and realize that you have not been rejected. Understand that there is a level of protection around you that makes it impossible for bad or negative relationships to stick to you. The harder you or the other person fights this, the worse it will feel. You’ll notice this in relationships- where you will have really high highs followed by really low lows. You’ll also notice this in relationships where situations within your relationship don’t seem to improve or things keep getting worse without there being mutual respect or shared love and applied effort. This explains why it doesn’t feel right or “something just feels wrong within the relationship.” Whether it is you that feels it or the other person, you are being cosmically and spiritually lead away from that who is not right for to the man or woman who is. Sometimes we feel as though that person is perfect or “the One” and you do not understand why your partner would not feel the same way. This is because they are the ones being guided to redirect their time and energy elsewhere, wherever that may be. This does not make you any less of an amazing person or any less special. It just means that you see the qualities in this person that will be in your perfect One and for that reason you find them now irresistible. However, hold out for the one who has all the pieces of your puzzle. The best thing you can do is speak your truth and to simply, at least for the time being, let go. Believe me, if they are meant to be in your life any longer they will. There is no such thing as mistakes or wrong turns or bad luck. Everything happens as it should- we live, we learn, we experience, we grow, we move on.
Third, you’re going to need to release them. This is the hardest and surprisingly best part! I’ve done this many times (too many times to count! Ha!) for relationships, jobs, homes, etc. I cannot stress to you how important this is to your healing as well as building yourself to be the strongest magnet towards speeding life-giving abundance to you! It works EVERY time. It NEVER fails. If you do it right you will feel it almost immediately or the very next day.
You will need:
· A candle or fire (jeez guys, be careful with this please! Don’t burn anything or catch yourself or your hair on fire!) or… · A toilet ·Paper or a notebook ·A writing utensil ·Tissues
Just like in meditation you will want to find a quiet space where you will be uninterrupted for at least an hour and a half or two hours. Maybe light a nice smelling candle, burn some incense, burn sage, clean your space, or whatever else you feel like you need to do to make the space you’re sitting in special and sacred to you for this moment.
Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. In your mind’s eye envision the person or thing that you need to release as clearly as you possibly can… almost as if they were sitting in front of you in the present moment. That ‘person’ will need to sit in silence because right now this is YOUR time to address everything and tell them how you feel…
… which is the next step.
On paper, write down EVERYTHING. Write down in a letter everything that you wanted or want to tell them (whether or not you will ever have the chance to or not. ) Be clear, be honest. This is your time to pour it all out and be completely vulnerable with how you feel, with how you felt, what you thought and think, what you were expected and how they disappointed you, how much you care, how much you don’t understand, how what they did or didn’t do that pissed you off, etc. etc. just keep typing or writing it all in this letter pouring your heart completely out onto this paper!
If you become emotional or angry or start crying- that is fine! Keep writing until you’ve “said” it all and there is no more that needs to be said.
On an energetic and soul level, the person you are addressing this letter to will feel and hear it, without actually having physically heard it. Think of it kind of like when you are thinking of a friend and then a few minutes later they call you. It’s not a coincidence- you were connected and they felt your presence. It’s the same exact thing.
When you are finished your letter take a deep breath and read it out loud to this person. By this, I do NOT mean that you call them and read the letter. I mean that from when you envision them in your mind and you read it to them as if they were sitting directly in front of you. You let them know everything- you let them have it! If you cry or yell or get emotional, that is okay! This is your release process and as long as you are not hurting anyone or yourself you are free to do what you need to do to feel better.
When you are done, dismiss the person and ask them to leave (again, this is in your mind’s eye… or ‘imagination’… whatever you want to call it.) In your last and final step, it is absolutely important that you destroy the letter! This is the fun part! Rip it up into tiny little pieces, burn it (my favorite! I love fire!), flush it down the toilet! Do whatever you wanna do to make sure that you completely get rid of it! While you are ripping and destroying say out loud, “I release *insert name here* for my highest and greatest good! I release the stress, anxiety, and pain of this relationship! I completely open myself to the abundance before me and I trust that I will be provided for! I move in faith now and tomorrow. Surround me in healing energy, lift my spirits! Thank you for all that is to come!”
And then do a happy wiggle dance because you’ve released it all out your hands and you are free to accept and receive something that will now fit better for you! The next couple days, be generous and treat yourself gently.
You may still feel moments of sadness or pain- and this is totally find! Remind yourself that you are doing a good job, you’ve made some big changes, and you are open and ready now to receive better!
It is true that sometimes you hear from the person you are trying to release because, again, they feel it on a soul level. Stay strong in your movement forward and exploring what else the universe wants to provide for you!
